That Little Fucker.

Everyone thinks my cat is really, really cute and sweet. They think he just sleeps all the time looking gorgeous. People think he is simply a docile little lap cat. Well, they'd be wrong.

MY CAT IS EVIL.

See, they don't see what he's like when it's just me and him. Every morning I'm awoken by a bite somewhere on my face. I can deal with that though, because he's hungry and wants his morning feed. I stumble out of bed at 6am, after probably only having had 3 hours sleep, and head to the toilet to do my morning pee. While I am on the toilet he jumps up on my and continues to attack my face, "HURRY UP AND FEED ME BITCH, I'M HUNGRY!". Sigh, "Okay Lennon, just let me wipe and then I'll give you your tin of fish." So I shuffle out of the bathroom blindly (as I haven't put on my glasses), and open his tin, putting it in his dish and chopping it up so it's easier for him to eat, wash my hands then fall back on my bed to sleep again, often with "Today" on in the background. (I like to wake up to cheesy, biased, morning television).


While dozing off, I can hear the pleasant sounds of the dish being moved around and licking sounds... "Ahhh a moment of peace..." But alas, I am stirred awake again by the unpleasant, alarming sound of, "bbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeoooowwwwwwww, brrrrrrreeeeeeeeow", which translates from cat speak to, "BITCH, THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, I'M STILL HUNGRY AND NOW I WANT YOU TO USE A STICK WITH A FEATHER ON THE END OF IT TO ENTERTAIN ME..." I hear the thud of little padded feet running from the laundry, across the wooden floors, to my room, annnnndddddd, bounce. Ow. Shit, he landed right on my gut. BITE BITE BITE. He savages me EVERY morning. The door's opened, he can go and explore the whole house, but he chooses to come and attack his loving, beautiful owner, who feeds him at ungodly hours.

Long story short, he then finally leaves me alone (I lock him out of my room) and heads upstairs to sweetly convince my mother to feed him again, and she obliges. Grumble Grumble.

My Cat is from the devil. He's manipulative. He makes everyone else think he's just a sweet, innocent little ginger kitty. Well. He's not! You don't understand! He may have been when I first got him, but he's NOT anymore.



Just putting that out there.

Elisha.